Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
