I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
