The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize