Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
