it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
