i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
