between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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