i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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