shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
