Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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