Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
