The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
