What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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