I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
