She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
