It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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