He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
