He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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