You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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