1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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