She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
