Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
