we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize