you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
