To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
