If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
