you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize