Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
