dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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