I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
