just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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