walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize