Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
