I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
