Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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