you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize