i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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