even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
