im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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