They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
