Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
