So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
