party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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