Don't make out with my wife yet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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