if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
