this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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