maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
