he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
