look no pants
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
