How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
