You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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