I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hippo gnu deer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize