Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
