The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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