During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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