Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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