So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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