Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
