i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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