i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
