dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
