sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize