the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
