I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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