You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
