hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
