I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
