she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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