This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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