If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
