And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
