Don't make out with my wife yet
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize