the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
