I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
