Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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