im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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