We named our party play list daddy issues
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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