he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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