What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
