I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
