So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
