Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
