all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize