I love black thongs
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
