u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
