is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize