Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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