Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
