We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The best revenge is premature balding
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i've created a new STD.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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