I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize