I looked at my own cervix.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
