our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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