you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She swung at the pinata with crutches
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
