remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
