I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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