This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize