This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
