just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
